Hello God,
It’s been a few days since I talked to you. I need to be better at that. How are you? I know, that seems silly to ask, I mean, you’re God. Of course you are fine! You are the Creator of the Universe, the Bright and Morning Star, the Fairest of 10,000 to my soul. So, I know you are good.
Me? I’m ok. What? Yeah, I’m fine. No, really, I am doing okay. Yes, I know you know all things and can see all things. Yeah, I know that you are with me all the time, so you know what’s going on in my life. So why do I need to say it?
Ok, ok. I’ll tell you. I understand you just want me to talk with you. Yeah, it’s been hard lately. A lot of things seem to come at me very unexpectedly, and it feels very overwhelming. I have tried to just give it all to you, but it seems like you won’t take it. Well, yeah, I know you can handle all things. But I am still going through it, and need to hold onto it a bit to make sure everything is ok. Don’t you realize how hard this is? You do? How come it seems I’m alone? You are right here? Can I hold your hand?
I mean I’m a good person. I try to follow you in all aspects. I purposely put myself in the way of people who need to know you and hear about you. I plan my days around serving you and making sure I am open to the leadership of your Holy Spirit. I continue to try to be merciful and graceful to all. I am on a 24/7 type of life, serving others for you God. But apparently that is not enough! I feel like I gave up everything for you, family, friends, career, where I live, and still, I go through things. Do you even know how that feels?
What? Oh, yeah – you do understand what it feels like to lose friends, to be spit on and beaten. You have been misunderstood, and betrayed. You do know what it’s like to be lonely and tired. To be desperate and willing but wishing things were different. You do know what difficult situations are like. Oh yeah, you gave up your life, for me… Yeah, I guess you really do understand.
What? Have I seen what you have done in my life? What do you mean? Oh, you mean my friends, new and old? Yeah, they are really great. My home? I love it. Yes, I know you were in that happening God. My wife, yeah I really don’t deserve her. My family? Yes, you are faithful. Thank you. I see you God. At least sometimes… help me see you more.
God, I want what you want. I want You to be in charge of every aspect of me. I realize that this life will be hard. I mean, I know people who have things way worse than me, and you should see them smile praising Your name! Oh, you do. Right. Yeah, you see them too. Got it.
Please help me God to trust you more. In everything that goes on. Even when I am so tired I don’t feel like getting out of bed, or driving, or talking, or even listening. Please help me God to focus on you even when things are out of focus, and blurry. Help me to see you, hear you, listen to you.
Thanks for listening God. I know, I know. You are always here to listen and talk with me, why do I wait so long? Thanks God. It means a lot that you care about me, in fact it means so much that you love me. I do believe it. I have too. I’m all in on this God, just help me to stay strong.
Love,
Tony